5 cringe-inducing qualities of serious cyclists

In honor of the UCI World Tour (Pro-Cycling), which has just started to heat up with two of racing's biggest events in the past month (namely, San-Remo and de Ronde), I thought we'd look at some of the peculiarities of serious cyclists.

1) Leg-Shaving



Yes, it's true - male cyclists like to keep their legs shaved.  I had to yield to the experts on this one, as I don't have a history here (although I must admit to have dabbled in the practice.  So, I turned to Bicycling.com for some insight into the practice.
After the jump for more...


Apparently, there are several theories that support this ritual among the elite set:
a) It makes you more aerodynamic (faster).  The consensus is that, sure, at the highest level of time trialing, those 5 seconds over a 40km ride make a difference, but for the rest of us...
b) It looks better (faster).  Of course, appearances aren't everything, but as is the case in any endurance sport, the battle is often mind vs. matter.  And if shaved legs make you FEEL faster, then maybe you can BE faster.

Carson Palmer - FTW

c) Wound healing and recovery is easier (faster).  Fortunately, I haven't had the opportunity to experience (much) "road rash," but the less surface area (hair), the less dirt, gravel, sand, etc. that can stick into a wound. Ouch.
d) Girls like it. "Meh," according to the wife.
e) Tradition.  Let's face it, if the highest level athletes started wearing performance enhancing bracelets or eating hot dogs like it was their last hope for survival, we'd be all over it...regardless of real world results.


2) Europe

Turns out this is what real cyclists do

In a sport long dominated by Europeans, it makes sense for cyclists to idolize those athletes who were pioneers.  After all, Le Tour de France (arguably the most famous bicycle race in the world), ran 72 times from 1903-1985 before a non-European (American Greg LeMond) won in 1986.  Many of the best bikes in the world are manufactured in Italy and Belgium, so the desire to own the same rides as the pros is understandable.

Put it on a bike = American cycling

WHAT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, is the serious cyclists' utter fascination with ALL THINGS European.  Whether it be bikes, cars, clothes, hats, language...if it's from Europe, it must be better.  I will admit, there are some things that Europe does better than the United States, and our friends across the pond should be recognized for their efforts.  But to spend one's entire life attempting to recreate here in the States what already exists in purer form in Europe is foolhardy. And weird.



3) Personal care

This exists

Soooo...let's not dwell too long on this topic.  Cyclists maintain five main points of contact with their bicycle: 2 on the handlebars, 2 on the pedals and 1 on the saddle.  Hands and feet tend to be durable and adapt quickly to the pressure and friction of cycling.  They are not nearly as sensitive as the other part of the body that comes into contact with the bike.  Which is why we have products such as Chamois Butt'r and Skin Sake, to reduce friction and chafing and saddle sores and there I said it.  The End.

4) Dress

Female cyclist Kathy Watt getting up to launch speed

Of all of cycling's peculiarities, perhaps the most visible is dress.  Built for speed and comfort from lycra and other synthetic materials, cycling clothing gets even better with loud colors.  These designs spread fear and panic throughout the peloton (French for "a bunch of weirdos") and strikes despair into the heart of opponents.  I mean, just look at her: she's fast, she's intense, and on that bike, she looks nearly unstoppable.   The positive superlatives come to a screeching halt, however, the moment a rider steps off the bike:

Pro Michael Rasmussen showing off his tan

Cycling's highly recognizable wardrobe provides some of the most creative tan lines! So, I guess I have this to look forward to?

5) Gearheads


Cyclists are notorious gearheads.  Whereas so many sports require a few components or uniform elements to line up just right, the serious cyclist pursues the proper gear with what amounts to religious fervor.  They can and do spend tens of thousands of dollars on bike frames that shave GRAMS off the overall weight of their machine, on wheels whose SPOKES are aerodynamic and on every other piece of machinery that can go into a bike.  The scary part about most cyclists is that they could probably get the same results by trimming a few pounds from the mid-section (thanks big-broskey for this observation).

What I look like going REALLY fast...

The obsession with gear doesn't end with the functional parts of the bike either.  The shoes have to match the jersey, the wheels have to match the handlebar tape, the helmet has to match the gloves...you get the idea.  A lot of time, effort, and money go into a pursuit that, let's face it, to the rest of us just looks silly.


No doubt, there are a thousand other things that cyclists do that would make the rest of us cringe (from consuming their weight in pasta, coffee and beer EVERYDAY, to unashamedly discussing loudly and in public the frequency and consistency of bowel movements), so let's hear it for our two-wheeled friends and all of the qualities that make them unique!